How do I want to start this? Hmm...I'll just start I guess. I usually try to come up with something clever, but can't think of anything at the moment, weird.
This was a good week, the last week before changes. As I thought before, Elder Segura is leaving, so I'll be getting a new comp. I thought I might be training like I told you all, but found out that I'm not, so that changed my whole plan. So who knows what will happen? I know I'm staying here though at least.
This week not really any funny experiences happened, more spiritual and learning and thinking moments. I know there are some people that read these emails simply because it's something interesting to do, imagine being in another country and all, but don't really and truly understand what I'm doing as a missionary and the reason I'm really here. So for all of you who don't feel like reading powerful self-reflecting moments in this email, you can skip forward a bit and see what you find; but this email will be more about mission experiences. Alright, that eliminated some of the audience, I still have you church members I imagine who want to hear how the Spirit has really worked through me this past week and how I've been able to see the Lord's guiding hand.
I want to let you all know first off as I always do how much I love you. I love you each individually and am grateful that you've been able to come along the ride with me for these past 13 months. I'm grateful for your letters, emails, cards, prayers, and all that you do, they are very, very much appreciated.
Lately I've been studying a lot more in Preach My Gospel, figuring that if I want to go home, proud of what I was able to accomplish as a missionary instead of viewing my 2 years as a missionary as a failure, I would need to study and apply what is taught in Preach My Gospel, along with the scriptures. This week I studied quite a bit about spiritual promptings from the Holy Ghost, and their relation with spiritual gifts like the gift of tongues. The more and more I look into it, and more importantly experience it, the more I learn that worthiness and obedience to covenants are ESSENTIAL in having the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Think about it, at the end of the sacrament prayers it says "That we do ALWAYS remember Him, that we may have His Spirit to be with us". We have that promise if we are worthy and obedient to the covenants we have made with our Heavenly Father. During the mission when I haven't been as obedient as I should have been, that disobedience makes me less worthy of the promised blessings of the Spirit (the Spanish language), which means that the Lord is not required to fulfill His part of the promise. I know that's true, because I've had days where I feel like my Spanish absolutely sucks and cannot convey what I want to say, and that's because my head wasn't in the right place or I had done something wrong, so the Lord withdraws himself, literally. But on the flipside, when we do what the Lord commands us to do, we WILL have His blessings and we will be able to bring about what He wants of us. I testify that when we are obedient, and not just that, but WORTHY, we will have our promised gifts from God. That's really what they are, gifts, that can't be unwrapped, but they are given by a Loved One who cares about us more that anyone else in the world. For example, When Joseph Smith was translating the gold plates, he disobeyed what Heavenly Father had told him when he repeatedly asked to let Martin Harris take the 116 translated pages of the Book of Mormon home to show his family. Harris lost the pages, and because of Joseph's disobedience in doubting the power of God, the gift of translation was TAKEN from him for a time and he was no longer allowed to translate. Imagine that, looking at ancient reformed Egyptian writing and knowing exactly what it says one day, due to the gift from God, and then because of disobedience, you look the next day and have no idea what it says. That's like me grabbing the Book of Mormon in Spanish and looking at it as if it were in Chinese (shut up Ryan Tarver, we can't all speak Mandarin like you do, haha :P).
I also thought this week about the difference between the words "use" and "utilize" or user and utilizer. One can simply use something, but utilize is like taking full advantage of, using to it's fullness. I don't merely want to be used by God in this mission of mine, used as an instrument in His work. I want Him to UTILIZE me to my fullest potential. I want to go home from these 2 years spiritually exhausted and have no regrets or feel mistakes that I made. I need to utilize this precious time I have here in Panama and utilize the time the Lord has given me on this earth, rather that just use this time, pass it like any other normal day. I challenge you all back home, as well as a self- challenge, to this week think of the difference between use and utilizing your time wisely. I promise that God will guide you to what you should do and whom you should help. There's always someone that needs our help.
Funny experience now... got on a bus this week and there were two gringa girls in it. Decided, "what the heck ill talk to them", assuming that they were just tourists. One was from LA and the other Chicago, said they weren't tourists but rather in the Peace Corps. Hmm, that's interesting. Talked a bit more, thinking "Well, I've heard of the Peace Corps, but don't really know anything about it or what they do, assumed they would tell me then that they were "missionaries". Apparently they are assigned an area for 2 years, and they stay there the whole time. One had been here for 22 months, the other 18, and it made me think "How is it possible that they'd been here so long in Penonomé and I'd never seen them before?". They spoke Spanish a tiny bit, but it really was a testament to me the difference between learning a language just because, and learning it through God's helping being a missionary. I offered them invites to church, which they rejected quite firmly actually, even though one knew a lot about Mormons and had even dated one for a long time. So...everyone...I DID IT! I finally got rejected on my mission in my own language, in English!!! WOOT! It's official! My initiation as a missionary is finally complete!
This past Sunday we had the Primary program for the first time here in the mission, wasn't even sure if they did that here. It was chaos! Let me tell you, Mom, if you were here, you would've wanted to smack each and every one of those wild Primary kids for how they were acting, yelling, hitting each other, playing on the piano, running around, etc. So many people came to church though, it's a branch and we had like 130 people there, quite pleased. And best part of it all, like 15 of those were investigators of ours, haha. 15 investigators there, 8 of baptism age, full families. It was great having them all there, finally getting them to come to church after so many failed attempts of asking them week after week. They all seemed to enjoy it, so hopefully we'll be able to finally commit some of them to baptism and we can see a few baptisms this coming change with my next comp here in peno 2. I'm ready for changes, excited to see what we can do with this area, it's looking up, and I'm excited to find some new investigators that are really willing to change their lives.
Two really great scriptures for you all this week, which I always say but I really like these. Alma 11:40, which shows us that no one but Chirst can satisfy the demands of the law to conquer death. Other is in D&C 45:3-5 which talks about how the Savior is our Mediator and Intercessor with our Father in Heaven, love them. I love you all, have a wonderful week, don't forget about "use" and "utilizing" your time! :)
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